Hi all can you guess who has been feeling sick for the last few days, yeah me, aching body, headaches and just feeling kinda blah but it is now a lovely cool and wet Monday morning and I am feeling pretty much the same yeah I would love to be still in bed asleep but can’t happen as Leo will be here soon as well as Summer and of course I have to take Leo to school and Summer will be here till her mum is able to get her.
So what has been happening in my life since I last wrote, well nothing much to be honest. I did have the girls here for lunch on Saturday and yeah I wasn’t feeling good but still managed to do a mince stew for lunch which everyone seemed to like. Natasha had two lots as did Jessica, now as some of you will know Natasha often doesn’t eat enough to keep a bird alive so going back for more is out of the norm.
I also managed to do all the washing yesterday but had to have a nap as I was so tired and felt like shit.
Last night Natasha told me that Jono (Blain’s dad) thinks that Blain should be staying with his mum while Natasha is at work as Tim and I don’t punish Blain and don’t feed him right as in don’t cook many real meals. He is right about the meals because often it is just me and Blain and he doesn’t usually want a proper meal, so I can’t see the point.
Now we do try to discipline Blain but he has a right attitude and has told us that we are not his parents and can’t tell him what to do, he is very cheeky and often talks back and gets this look on his face and rolls his eyes at us. Yes I know I am a softie but I do try, it is just not that easy at times. I have no problem with him spending a night or two at his other grandmothers place she has just as much right to see Blain as we do, now as I said I am a big softie but at times I think she is a bit to hard on him but then what do I know I am not there.
On Thursday night we had both Blain and Leo here but what a night at one stage Blain and Leo got into a bit of a tiff and then Tim got into a mood, he was so very angry over nothing really yes the boys where mucking up and Blain was being rude and disrespectful but Tim over-reacted and was making matters worse. I was calm and told Tim he was over-reacting and making matters worse which just made Tim angrier. The only thing all Tim’s carry on did was make the boys side with each other and get over their tiff faster.
Tim was complaining that he had to get up early Friday morning at 3.30am and needed to go to sleep, the boys were not loud they were in the bedroom playing the Xbox but when I went to bed I forgot to close the bedroom door, I like to sleep with it opened and of course Leo came into our room to ask me if he could have an ice cream, he could but that made Tim yell that he was woken up and needed to get to sleep, in fact he kept going on for a few minutes I ended up telling him to just shut up, he snapped I have to get up at 3.30am and I snapped back then shut the hell up and go to sleep.
Moving on to Friday night, Tim yet again got so angry this time because Leo was getting frustrated. Leo had received a bike for his birthday and Tim had put it together and yesterday evening he was attempting to ride it and was getting frustrated because it wasn’t as easy as he thought it would be. Tim ended up yelling and carrying on like a child saying his back hurt and something else can’t remember what but I snapped back that I was on the phone and I also have a bad back, I always have a lot of back pain. Yet again Tim’s anger was over the top.
Now you may think I am just bagging on Tim but I am worried about him these flare ups are a worried, yes he has always had flare ups like this when the girls were little but I do worry about it. Getting angry is one thing but he will also say things like why does he bother or he is wrong and he doesn’t matter, he throws his hands in the air when he starts on his self bashing.
This is what worries me being angry is natural but we all don’t go on and on, over-reacting and saying that the family don’t love him and he doesn’t matter in the family and if he wasn’t here no one would care or we would be happier if he wasn’t around. I would like him to go back on his medication for depression but he doesn’t think he needs it. I, however, do think he needs it, but I don’t know anything according to Tim.
Ok it is now late in the afternoon, had to stop writing for a while, first I had to take Tim down the road he had an appointment to have his eyes checked and was convinced he would not be able to drive home afterwards. Of course he was able to drive his eyes were not blurry like he thought they would be.
Then I had to cook lunch for the family, just a mince stew, everyone ate it and Natasha even went back for seconds which is a bit of a shock as she doesn’t eat much at all. Then there was washing to hang out before Tim and I went to Officeworks to get ink for my printer. I come home and went to change the ink and guess what I bought the wrong ink so had to go straight back and change it, thankfully Officeworks is only just around the corner.
Jessica helped Leo learn to ride his bike, although when I rang her at 11.25am to see when she would be here and tell her that Leo wanted his mum to help him with his bike she said I am no good at things like that, which really annoyed me and Natasha and Kathy she is the mum she should stop saying things like this are too hard.
Leo at first had a lot of trouble he couldn’t balance, and wanted the training wheels on it but they were shit and wouldn’t go on right so in the end Tim took them off and Leo learnt to ride it without the training wheels.
He was so happy he still having some trouble with his balance but he has improved a lot and we told him the more he rides it the better he will get at it.
Back to Tim for a moment the girls all had a talk to him this morning about his temper and mood swings, he said he feels like a failure and they all asked what does he think he failed at. They all think he is the best dad, they all told him that growing up he was firm but fair and yes he punished them but he was never abusive or anything.
Jessica said dad look at us, none of your children are drug addicts, none have ever been arrested, they don’t have a heap of children with no job and different fathers all your girls work and support their children. You have a wife who loves you and you have been with the same woman for over 30 years which is good. You taught us that working is part of life and after losing your temper with a child it is good to go back and have a clam talk with them and explain why you got so mad.
So all in all dad you have done a great job, you are loved and you are respected by us your daughters and yes we know our children at times do not show you the respect you deserve but we their mothers are working on getting that to change.
Now I have no idea if this all sunk in with Tim but I hope it did and that he realises how much he is loved and respected by his daughters and me.